Editor’s note: Due to the almost stunning volume of Letters to the Editor we receive, we are perpetually unable to do anything save fall further and further behind every issue printing communiqués from our readers. Therefore, I have opted to fill this month’s Smoke Signals page with Smoke Signals-based Letters. That, and, well, I’m in the process of recovering from shoulder surgery and an over-enthusiastic ingestion of a fun little drug called Vicodin has made it so everything I wrote with the full intention of filling this page with original material came out sounding like something from the “I Am The Walrus” school of literary clarity.

Mountainspeak I

John: Really enjoyed the column on Mountainspeak. (“Say what, dude?” Smoke Signals, MG #158.) I actually wrote a similar story, about snowboarder lingo, years ago when I was a cub reporter in Vail. Here are two of my all-time favorites: Bronanza (general): A bar or house party packed full of dudes. Syn.: Bro Down, Sausage Fest. “Eric’s is always a total bronanza.”

Labeled (general): Bodily injury incurred from a nasty fall. “I totally got labeled on that rail yesterday.”

Hope you’re well, man. If you’re ever in Aspen, don’t be a stranger …

Nate Peterson

Mountainspeak II

Hey M. John, Love your stuff. Have you heard this one: Foot pussies — the ultra-comfortable footwear of choice that you slip into after any strenuous outdoor activity. “Man that was a long hike, glad I brought my foot pussies for the drive home, my feet are scorched.” Hope to make your dictionary!

Thanks,
Craig Rubis,
Breckenridge, Colo.

Mountainspeak III

MJF: Add this: “Torp.” To split up and ski away from your group. Usually in the backcountry, but also at ski areas. “He was sick of waiting for the slow skiers, so he Torped us.” From the 1993 famous lost party of skiers near Aspen, when Ken Torp did the above.

Kevin Dickson,
P.E.

Mountainspeak IV

John: Here’s one for your Mountainspeak dictionary. I first heard it used by rangers at RMNP who’d run out of trash bags to give to shivering tourists caught out in a summer storm: “Death cloth” — non-technical cotton garments, typically T-shirt and shorts or jeans, worn by tourists venturing into alpine backcountry without rain gear.

Cheers!
Laura Stinson

Mountainspeak V

Hi, My wife & I both enjoyed your dictionary article. A few hiking words you might consider are:

• Close encounter of the furry kind” — Meeting a bear.
• Ursus graniticus — A distant rock that, to a nervous hiker, looks like a bear.

Ursus arboris — A distant tree that, to a nervous hiker, looks like a bear. Two cross-country ski ones also occur to me:

• Snow snake — Creature that lives under the snow and trips skiers.
• Face plant — To fall on one’s face, perhaps due to a snow snake.

Seth Stein,
Evanston, Ill.

Mountainspeak VI

Hello MJF: I’d like to suggest the word “heinar” for inclusion in your upcoming Mountainspeak dictionary. It is a combination of “heinous” and “gnarly,” as in: Snow conditions were so heinar that we bailed on skiing and spent the day drinking sloe gin fizzes on the front porch.

Cheers,
Lance Waring

PS: Excellent work with bike issue (MG #158). It was treat to find my buddy Mark Plantz’s name at the end of the hilarious piece on the roots of riding in Telluride. (“Dirty Fingernails,” Mountain Notebook.)

Mountainspeak VII

M.J. — I enjoyed your piece on various forms of mountain-jargon in MG #158. I have one more little morsel of linguistic juiciness for you: skittle thug (n): With their pants falling around their knees, and jackets that could double as four-man tents; these slope-dwellers are easy to spot due to the neon rainbow color scheme of their over-sized attire. This is a derogatory term used by those of us on the mountain who wear our gear for practicality instead of style (what image these assholes are reaching for is beyond me). Often the “skittle thug” is one who perpetrates a drive-by duding, leaving the victims on the verge of seizure with only the phrase “taste the rainbow, bitches!” echoing in their head. An invasive species, skittle thugs swear loudly and spit all over the place in lift lines, leaving those around them feeling uncomfortable and wondering “where are these little bastards parents?”. The best defense against the spread of this nuisance is castration for those showing signs of skittle-thuggery.

If you are compiling a mountain lingo dictionary, then please do not overlook the skittle thug.

Thanks
Michael Schimelpfenig

Mountainspeak VIII

John: HOOVER: (verb), to Hoover, Hoovering. Applies to all aerobically inclined sports. A term I believe I created during my years of mountain-bike racing. Sucking vast quantities of air (usually inadequately, despite suction strength) while trying to maintain adequate levels of oxygen to working muscles during uphill work or at high speed. Like a Hoover vacuum cleaner. Applies to biking, Nordic skiing, running.

Please stay with MG as long as you can. You are one of the best reasons to read it.
Sherry Bunch

Nuther editor’s note: I’m still soliciting entries for the Mountainspeak Dictionary. Please fire your contributions off to mjfayhee@mountaingazette. com Goo goo g’joob.