 When in Doubt, Eat Centipedes
Climbing is deeply enmeshed in the human experience. Far beyond sport and entertainment, sometimes it’s a matter of survival (ever notice the flash flood signs in canyons?). In religion, ascension is generally good, while descent — not so much. We love the Dow when it climbs; we damn it when it plunges. And even when they descend faster than planned, we still love our climbers. And the bugs they eat so they can climb again.
 That Just Don't Belong There
In a perfect world, our rivers would run freely, containing nothing but pure water and the plant and animal species that nature intended. Civilization has put a serious dent in all that, adding things like dams, hormones and small herds of dead cows. Hey — at least it’s interesting.
 When It's Springtime in the Rockies
March 20th marks the first real day of spring, but depending on where you live in the Mountain West, spring might start in February, it might happen when the snakes come out or it might occur for roughly 20 minutes in mid-June — the time it takes to sideline your Sorels into a smell-proof bag, prune your toenails and dig out your Tevas from the back of the closet.
 So Much More Than Pedaling
While this month’s MG is themed around pedaling, as in bicycles, why not consider other things that begin with “ped?” We checked our files and found a dearth of material on pediculosis, for example, and nary a word about pedicures or pedophiles
 Gone to the Dogs
Somewhere there must be scientific evidence that humans would be soulless if they had to exist without their dogs. The American West would certainly be devoid of its edge without our various mutts, who exercise us, teach us to clean up and empty our wallets.
 Down in the deep, dark winter
For those of us who bitch ad nauseam about the cold, consider the street people of the Mountain West, whose numbers have gone through the roof (if they had one) in the past year. Denver, for example, counted 11,000 in its 2009 survey of people living on its streets. The biggest jolt: Forty-five percent of respondents said they were homeless for the first time. In Seattle, urban street homelessness was up 2 percent for 2009, and suburban homelessness went up a whopping 40 percent, largely among people living in cars.
 'Tis the Season All Over Again
Why, it seems we had a holiday
season just last year. But seriously,
we hope you and yours enjoy
a peaceful retreat in Hanukkah,
Christmas, Kwanzaa or in doing Nothing
At All, and that your New Year’s resolutions
are few and reasonably unambitious.
 Obsessed
History is still trying to nail down the origins of skiing, which, if you place credence in Norwegian rock drawings (the basis of most Mountain Gazette research), took place anywhere between 4,500-5,000 years ago, when travelers traversed the snow on short, fat boards as an alternative to post-holing themselves to death.
 Bottoms Up
The American West would be substantially shorter on lore if it weren’t for the culture and industry devoted to alcoholic beverages (think of the “Deadwood” TV series without booze). While the Great Recession has gutted most everyone’s discretionary incomes, it appears that drinking remains a high-priority line item. A June Gallup Poll found little change in “self reported” drinking habits, with 64-percent of Americans admitting to consuming alcohol and only 36-percent claiming total abstinence.
 Got Gear?
Looking back to the earliest
gear for humans (ostensibly the
stick that served for stability, mild
warfare and fire), and to the present
day, when most everyone has a GPS
affixed to his or her ass, it's an understatement
to say we've come a long way. But
we've also completely regressed by way
of our desires to accumulate and outdo.
Indeed, is there an experience that can
be had without gear? Well, okay - name
another one.
 Bi-pedal-ism
Since the origins of the bicycle in the early 19th century, there have been people who have taken the contraption past its original purposes for transportation and mild amusement, testing the limits of speed and endurance. These attributes are alive and well in the West’s mountain communities, where a third consideration is often evident, too: “What the hell were you thinking?”
 Foot Fetishes
It has never been enough for
some of us to simply shuffle along on
our feet. Unlike the other members
of the animal kingdom, some of us
have the odd desire to run until we no longer
can see, to hike until the blisters on our
feet can be measured in fluid ounces and
to wander without really knowing where
we are, where we’re going or why we’re
even wandering in the first place.
 Social Climbing and Exploding Poop Tubes
Climbers are simply acting on the subconscious drive to take their selves to a higher position, something that no doubt has its roots in our evolutionary march from pond scum to Homo sapiens. Certainly on the physical level that means scaling mountains, large rocks and chunks of ice, but climbing also applies to the social games that don't require ropes or ice axes (although they may certainly help).
 Run, River, Run
The Colorado River is like so many ambitions that succumb to big thinking. It begins sweetly enough, gushing from an otherworldly place where most things are good and unsullied. But it's no sooner out of the ecological womb then it's spilling out over dams and settling in as agriculture's best-loved whore.
 Ready for Close Up
For better or for worse (or for naught at all), more and more states are doing whatever they can to lure Hollywood eastward. The state of New Mexico was actually one of the first to start coaxing film and television producers into the state with tax incentives and training programs.
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